Catholic parents share the 'challenging and beautiful' experience of fostering

(OSV News) -- Mission is at the heart of Caroline Stanfill's life. Among her many jobs, she's worked in special education; for religious sisters; within the diocesan office of social ministries; and as a hospice chaplain. So after years of discernment, she decided to become a foster parent.

"We are all one family and we are our brother's keeper," Stanfill told OSV News. "My faith and my understanding of God's love is what led me to want to be a parent in any sense of the word."

Stanfill is one of many Catholics across the country working with agencies like Catholic Charities to become foster parents.

According to data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, in 2022 there were more than 368,500 children in foster care. The average age of a child in foster care is 8.2 years old. They spend an average of nearly two years in the foster care system before reuniting with parents or being adopted.

Foster parents step in the gap to provide a safe space for those waiting children.

"It's been one of the most challenging and beautiful experiences," Stanfill said. "I would recommend it to anyone who's considering it."

Stanfill's first step was determining if fostering was right for her.

"I haven't been a parent before, I'm single, and that was intimidating, thinking, 'Can I really do it without a partner?'" she said. But she decided she was called to foster, and felt reassured that Catholic Charities would walk alongside her and the children.

"Catholic Charities is wonderful at training and there's so much support," she said. "Their case managers are always there and there's someone to call 24/7 if there's an emergency."

Today, Stanfill lives in Blue Ridge, Virginia, with her third foster child, a 16-year-old girl. Her first foster daughter ended up needing a higher level of care and moved to a residential psychiatric setting before living with her grandmother. Stanfill helped transition her second foster child from high school into college.

"I do still keep in touch with both of them, and they and their families know that I'm always there," Stanfill said. She's not sure how long her current foster daughter will be with her: "There are a lot of unknowns and you have to be open to where the unknowns might lead."

Ellen Bright, a retired special education teacher, began fostering 15 years ago with her housemate and first cousin Joan Flynn. They've had over 40 foster children and, in the process, adopted their daughter, Abby, too. They're currently parenting their teenage daughter and fostering a pair of teen siblings in their Hanover, Pennsylvania, home.

"We're very busy, but it's fun, too," Bright told OSV News.

Though sometimes the foster children will attend their own churches, usually they choose to join the family at Mass, said Bright. Abby helps explain the liturgy to the kids and the whole parish welcomes the children.

"They'll fuss over them and bring them birthday gifts and Christmas presents and really make a point of engaging them," she said. "It's humbling, and it's very helpful to lean on your faith when things are hard."

The most challenging part of fostering is getting the children set up with everything they need, said Bright. Oftentimes the foster children come to her with their mental and physical needs neglected, so Bright sets up doctor appointments, dental visits and therapy for them.

But the best part of fostering is witnessing the firsts.

"So many of these kids haven't done what most typical kids (have already) experienced -- like going to the beach," she said. "It's really nice to be a part of that, (to witness) their excitement of actually seeing the beach."

As a child, Kat Herrick spent some time in foster care before living with her grandmother and ultimately reuniting with her mother. As a child, her husband, Adam, had a foster sibling.

"When we realized we were only going to be able to have one child and we always wanted to have more, fostering is something we started to talk about," Herrick told OSV News. As their son Garin got older, they began the process.

"I think people are surprised by how much it takes to become a foster parent," Herrick said. "There's a lot of classes, background checks, CPR, first-aid and continuing education that's required every year. Most foster families are doing this for the right reasons and they really care."

The Herricks, who live in Scottsdale, Arizona, foster teenagers who are also refugees. While each one's story is different, many arrived in the U.S. unaccompanied by their parents, who wanted their children to have a chance for a better life, said Herrick.

These children were placed in foster care for their safety upon arrival at the U.S. border, and are not up for adoption as they still have family, she explained. Her family currently fosters a boy from Haiti, but they still keep in touch with a now-adult foster daughter from Guatemala, too.

"After she turned 18, she had her last name legally changed to ours, so she kind of adopted us," said Herrick. "She considers us her United States family."

Herrick and her husband love knowing that even as an only child, Garin is growing up with other young people in his home.

"We always hope that one day when he's all grown up and we're gone, that he has other people he can reminisce with, other people that are like siblings to him," she said. They aspire to treat each child in their home the same way they would want their son treated if they weren't able to care for him.

"I think it's just living our faith," Herrick said. "All the things that we hear about in church, (you) actually really do it when you're fostering."