Experts share 6 ways to help prevent suicide ahead of Suicide Prevention Month

(OSV News) -- Everyday people, including Catholics and their churches, can help prevent suicide and save lives, according to experts on the issue.

Ahead of National Suicide Prevention Month in September, ministry leaders and crisis experts are listing practical steps that individuals, families and churches can take to help prevent suicide. For many of them, this issue is also a personal one: They have experienced losing a loved one who died by suicide.

In the United States, nearly 50,000 people died by suicide in 2023, which amounts to about one person every 11 minutes, according to numbers listed by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The government agency reports that many more think about or attempt suicide: An estimated 12.8 million adults seriously considered suicide, 3.7 million planned a suicide attempt and 1.5 million attempted suicide in 2022. The numbers are rising: Suicide rates increased roughly 36% between 2000 and 2022.

In the hopes of saving more lives, four experts shared their advice. Their comments also come before November, when the pope's prayer intention is for the prevention of suicide. Here are their recommendations:

1. Take mental health as seriously as physical health.

These experts emphasized the importance of mental health.

"If you're thinking of suicide, treat that the same way you would if you were having chest pains or maybe tingling in your arms," said Deacon Ed Shoener, president of the International Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers, a lay association dedicated to helping people with mental illness and their families. "You'd call someone and have it checked out -- you're worried about maybe a heart attack or a stroke."

"Similarly, if you're having thoughts of suicide, don't feel ashamed, just be concerned and make it a point to talk to your doctor, or if you know a therapist -- but talk to someone about it," he said. "It's a warning sign that you need to examine and see if there's something more to it than just passing thoughts or having a bad day."

2. Know the warning signs.

Learning the warning signs for suicide can help, according to experts like Wendy Martinez Farmer, vice president of 988 strategy, quality improvement and clinical standards at Vibrant Emotional Health. Her nonprofit runs 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988 Lifeline), which provides 24/7 call, text and chat access to crisis counselors who can help people facing a suicidal crisis or any kind of emotional distress, she said.

In comments emailed to OSV News, Martinez Farmer listed signs that "may help determine if an individual is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss or change." Those are:

-- "Talking about wanting to die or to harm themselves."
-- "Looking for a way to harm themselves, like searching online or buying a gun."
-- "Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live."
-- "Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain."
-- "Talking about being a burden to others."
-- "Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs."
-- "Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly."
-- "Sleeping too little or too much."
-- "Withdrawing or isolating themselves."
-- "Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge."
-- "Extreme mood swings."

3. If you suspect someone is thinking about suicide, talk to them about it.

These experts encouraged people to reach out to those who may be considering suicide.

"If you think someone is suicidal or thinking of that, don't be afraid to ask them," Deacon Shoener said. "One, it signals that you're open and willing to talk about mental health and matters such as that -- and it also says you're there, ready to help them in case they are actively suicidal."

For families or church leaders who see warning signs, Martinez Farmer provided tips for interacting with those who are struggling, including:

-- "Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide."
-- "Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings."
-- "Be nonjudgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life, as individuals in suicidal crisis are often experiencing the impact of serious mental illness and may not be in a place where this kind of discussion is helpful."
-- "Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support."
-- "Don't dare them to do it."
-- "Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you."
-- "Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support."
-- "Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer glib reassurance."

Elizabeth Leon, director of family support at Red Bird Ministries, a Catholic grief support ministry that runs a suicide loss program called "Remember," recommended practicing what to say. In emailed comments, she suggested phrases such as, "I am concerned that you are so unhappy. Are you thinking about suicide?" and "Are you safe? Do you feel safe to be alone right now?"

"Many people with suicidal thoughts will not ask for help, so having the courage to reach out to them is critical," said Leon, whose father-in-law and close friend's teenager died by suicide. "Many well-meaning family and friends may minimize or deny concerns about fearing that someone may be suicidal, but we must have courage to have the hard conversation out of love."

She shared additional tips to keep in mind when speaking with someone who may be considering suicide, including:

-- "Understand that asking someone about suicide does NOT make it more likely that they will desire to make a suicide attempt."
-- "It is likely that your concern for the other person comes from a place of care and compassion and a desire for the person to be safe and to not feel alone. This can be vital to a person having suicidal thoughts because they already feel unnoticed and unimportant."
-- "Get comfortable with the term "suicide" and be direct in talking to someone about your concerns."
-- "Practice prevention with these three simple phrases that I learned after a teen died by suicide in our community: Moments pass. You matter. Please stay."
-- "Remember there is no one 'typical' person that is at risk for suicide. People of all ages and stages can be at risk and may or may not show typical warning signs."

4. Don't be afraid to take action.

Sometimes action is needed, experts said. Marian Sister Kathryn Maney, director of Red Bird Ministries' "Remember" program, advised, "If someone expresses struggle with suicidal ideation, listen nonjudgementally and stay with them until they find help."

If loved ones are exhibiting warning signs, Martinez Farmer also suggested, "Take action. Remove means, like weapons or pills."

5. Know the resources available for you and them.

These experts wanted people to know they are not alone. Among other resources, Sister Kathryn and Martinez Farmer recommended 988 Lifeline, which helps millions of people every year. Martinez Farmer said they also provide crisis support for people who are worried about a loved one or parishioner.

For her part, Leon spoke about received training from QPR Institute, which is dedicated to saving lives and reducing suicidal behaviors with suicide prevention training. Their protocol is to "Question, Persuade and Refer."

"After you ask someone about suicide, be ready to listen nonjudgmentally and to give them your full attention," Leon included in her advice. "Have a plan of where to refer them if you are able to persuade them to get additional help."

6. Encourage your church to make a difference.

These experts said churches can make a difference with this issue.

"Religious communities can be places of solace, where people turn for guidance through difficult times," Martinez Farmer said. "Both the clergy and congregants can play a role in building a culture where everyone feels safe, seen, and supported by leading with compassion, listening with care, serving one another, and fostering belonging."

"A supportive church community can help someone realize that they don't have to deal with challenges on their own," she added. "Having a group of people who encourage help-seeking and support is one of the most important aspects of suicide prevention."

Sister Kathryn, whose biological sister died by suicide, said parishes can offer assistance through her "Remember" program, which calls itself the first-ever Catholic support group model for those grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. She listed more ways churches can play a role:

-- "Be aware of local, faithful Catholic mental health professionals and services."
-- "Provide parishioners with information regarding mental health awareness."
-- "Key parish staff members should know/be trained in what to do when a suicidal parishioner seeks help."
-- "Pray for those who struggle with mental illness and their families."
-- "There are also programs like the St. Benedict Labre Guild for families who are carrying the cross of mental illness."

For his part, Deacon Shoener said Catholics should "think about starting some kind of a mental health ministry in the parish where people can openly talk about their mental health challenges and know that they're welcomed by a loving parish community that understands."

His own group provides resources for parishes and dioceses to start ministries.

"The simple thing would be simply to pray for people who are suicidal, put that into the intercessory prayers on occasion … that say something to the effect that 'We pray today for people who are suicidal and entertaining thoughts of suicide, that that they will find the help and care that they need,'" he recommended.

He added: "A simple prayer like that goes a long way towards sending the message to people that the church and their parish community understands and wants to help."

-- An extra note for those grieving loved ones --

Deacon Shoener shared an additional message for family and friends grieving loved ones and who may feel guilt for not being able to prevent their suicides.

"We will never know this side of heaven why our loved ones died by suicide," said the deacon, whose daughter died by suicide. "Because suicide is an irrational act."

"Many people who die by suicide actually think they're helping their loved ones, that they're doing the best thing, that it's the right thing to do," he added. "Suicide makes no sense. So it's hard to try to figure it out and to place blame on yourself for your loved one's death."

Deacon Shoener -- who has written a prayer for those whose loved ones have died by suicide ("Prayer after Suicide," published in the "The Notre Dame Book of Prayer" from Ave Maria Press) -- wanted people to know: "Don't feel guilty."

"Be assured that your loved ones fell under the arms of a merciful and loving and understanding Christ," he said. "And pray for your loved one and pray to your loved one. There's always hope."