What a beautiful family

Whenever I take my kids anywhere in public, I get comments.

"All boys?! Didn't you ever try for a girl?"

"Five?! You must be crazy!"

"Are they all yours?"

We are far from the only family whose mere presence attracts attention. The same phenomenon happens to friends whose children use wheelchairs or walkers, families whose kids come from different racial backgrounds, and parents with wide age gaps between children.

Strangers' curiosity leads to prying questions, even insulting insinuations: "Which ones are yours? Don't you know how this happens? What's wrong with that one? Couldn't you have more?"

Suddenly you find yourself defending your most personal or painful experiences in public. After a while, even your polite replies can wear thin. I'll never forget the sweltering day at the state fair when my spouse was so sick of strangers stopping us to comment on our brood of boys that when one man yelled at us, "What happened to the girls?" my normally patient husband hollered back, "They're in heaven!" (We still laugh that our twins must have smiled from above to watch their dad defend their existence.)

Any version of a family you see in public is often only the tip of the iceberg. You can't see the babies who didn't survive, the adoptions that unraveled, or the estranged adult children for whom their parents pray every night.

Families deserve to be seen and supported not for whether they measure up to anyone else's expectations, but because they are formed by humans created in the image of God, striving to love each other through their struggles.

A married couple makes a family, two people blessed to share life together. A single person is part of their family of origin and their chosen family of friends. Widowed, divorced and remarried people often remain part of multiple families. What a gift we could give to each other, if we stopped the curious question (or the catchy quip) that leaps to our lips -- and instead offered a simple encouragement with a smile: "What a beautiful family!"

When Jesus welcomed a child into his arms -- embracing the very distraction that his disciples tried to prevent -- he reminded us that whoever welcomes a child welcomes him and the One who sent him (Mk 9:37). Part of our calling as Catholics is to support the sacredness of life, no matter the context or circumstances. Rather than jumping to assumptions or asking curious questions about the makeup of anyone's family, why not follow Jesus' lead and simply welcome each other with open arms?

"What a beautiful family" has become my default response whenever I meet someone new. I can tell you that it works wonders. Stressed parents will smile over the heads of rowdy children. Doting dads of one will thank you for seeing their family as full and worthy. Mothers who have lost babies to miscarriage can feel all their children included for once. Married couples are grateful for the affirmation of the family they have made together.

The Body of Christ is a beautiful, diverse family. We are single and married, divorced and widowed. We have built families through adoption and fostering, marriage and birth. We have known deep loss and great joy from our families of origin, and we have widened our circles of welcome to build chosen families, watching in awe as God creates anew.

Jesus himself defied traditional definitions of family when he taught his followers that "whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother" (Mk 3:35). May we always remember that in the kingdom of God, kinship is defined by faithful love.